How to Mend Broken Relationships?

Ahaz came today with a gloomy face. It was clear that he was upset about something. We asked him what was wrong, and he told us an interesting story.

Ahaz: There was an incident at my home, and my father got very upset about me. He had asked me to water some of the plants in the mornings as he goes to work very early in the morning. Although I did it for some time, I have not been that regular lately. Without enough water, many of those plants couldn’t survive.  He asked me about it, and I had to tell him what happened.  He got very upset.

After listening to the story, the Rabbi asked him a question.

Rabbi: So, what did you do then?

Ahaz: Well, there was not much to do. I just can’t face him. I am trying to hide myself from him.

Rabbi: Ahaz, your story sounds like the story of Adam and Eve. They were living in God’s garden just as you live in your father’s home now. There was a certain agreement between them and God. In your case the agreement with your father was that you would water the plants every morning. In their case the agreement was that they would take care of a garden but would not eat the fruit of a certain tree. They broke the agreement just as you did. You feel like you can’t face your father, and you try to hide yourself from him. That is exactly what they did: they hid themselves behind a tree.   

A relationship between any two parties involves an agreement. Whenever an agreement is broken, the relationship is also broken. You don’t have the same relationship with your father any more-- that is what makes you feel that you can’t face him. When Adam and Eve ate those fruit, they broke their agreement, and it broke their relationship with God as well.  

All relationships involve agreements, which may be formal or informal, and written or unwritten. Formal, written agreements are called laws. The purpose of all agreements is optimal functioning by keeping the relationships intact.  

Ahaz: Is it possible to mend a broken relationship?

Rabbi: Though it is hard, it is not impossible. The party that broke the agreement has to apologize sincerely, and promise that nothing like this would happen again. If the other party is willing to forgive, their relationship will be re-established. This did not happen in the Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve did not apologize for their mistake. They were quick to place the blame on someone else. Hence, they could not mend their broken relationship with God.

Adam placed the blame on Eve and God when he said, “The woman you put here with me gave me the fruit.” This broke his relationship with God and Eve. He should have apologized to both God and Eve to mend the broken relationships. Instead, he justified himself. Eve was not willing to take the responsibility either. She placed the blame on the snake, and thereby God for letting the snake be in the garden. She didn’t apologize either. At the end of the story we see them with all relationships broken.

Hearing this Ahaz had tears in his eyes.

Ahaz: I understand my mistake now. I am going to see my father right away, and apologize to him. I am sure he is going to forgive me. This way, I can re-establish the broken relationship.

Rabbi: This is something all of us need to do in our everyday life. We are human beings, and we all do mistakes. The all-knowing God is the only one capable of avoiding mistakes. We break agreements with our fellow beings as well as with God in our day-to-day life. However, we should not let our mistakes break our relationships. We should be willing to apologize as soon as we realize our mistake. Similarly when someone apologizes his/her mistake to us, we should be willing to forgive him/her right away. Imagine how the world would be if all people in the world are willing to apologize and forgive! That is when the world becomes the family of God!

Yohannes: Will our world ever become that way?

Rabbi: When I learn to apologize and to forgive, I experience being in the family of God in my own 
personal life. I will also extend it around me wherever I am. It seems that we, human beings, are here primarily to learn this lesson. We don’t know if all the people in the world would ever become willing to apologize and forgive. However, as more and more people learn to do this, it can become the standard behavior of a community or nation or of the entire humankind.

I believe that the importance of keeping relationships intact must be taught even to little children. They should be taught that:
· Keeping a relationship is very important. We have to take care of our relationships just like we take care of our health.
· A relationship is very easy to break. If one party breaks the agreement or if one party suspects like that about the other party, a break will be the result.
· As soon as a relationship is broken, it should be mended right away. They should practice the skill of apology-forgiveness even while they are children so that they can employ this skill whenever needed.

Our meeting and discussion today was a transforming experience to all of us!


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